As I ask my clients about setting limits, their first reaction is a negative one, and as I go through the process of questioning them on their freedom and resources…it all makes sense to them…. Setting limits challenges them to exploit their true potential and discover their new freedom. It just puts them into a growth mindset.
What are limits?
Firstly, they are part of your foundation. Since your childhood, the first limits imposed to you where from your parents to protect you from danger, to make you understand the direct and indirect social norms… With time, they evolved through your education, exposure and life experiences.
Secondly, a limit is a need. It is human nature to have borders for yourself, and, between yourself and others.
Thirdly, a limit can be your zone of comfort, as they allow you to function into your map of the world.
And last but not least, limits are also the gatekeepers of your belief system since they preserve a limiting belief.
There are 2 types of limits.
The first ones are within our inner self (safety and belief system), and the second ones towards others (what we allow and do not allow others to do in our encounters).
What are the conditions for setting limits effectively?
They need to be explicitly clear. Clarity of these limits is essential since limits are your functioning mode of your map of your world (inner self) and for those interacting with you.
As you clarify your limits, it is essential you challenge your belief system by questioning yourself on the actual reality and impact of this belief. Is it limiting me or encouraging me? How can I turn this limited belief into a supporting one to reach my objective? What resources do I have? What are my options?
What are the benefits of limits?
1. Take responsibility of yourself: in other words, you are the sole person responsible of your life and of the results you get. Indeed, setting limits puts you in full command of your path.
2. They protect you from your own behavior thanks to your self-awareness of your capacity and its impact.
3. It avoids ambiguity within yourself, as you know what are your strengths and weaknesses.
4. It also avoids ambiguity during your interaction with others as it clarifies the rules of the relationship with others.
Your limits are like a day-to-day map.
5. It allows you to have a concrete zone of exchange with your counterparts
6. It teaches you to improve your skills, for example time management
7. It allows you to gain freedom within your frame of mind.
8. It allows you to keep your individuality as you interact with others
9. It acts as filters and preserve you from toxic people and therefore allow the right people into your zone.
10. It helps you function in your day-to-day life.
11. It increases your self-confidence, and allows you to self-develop, and therefore reach your autonomy.
12. Understanding your limits turns you into a growth mindset and it impacts their extension. As you gain self- confidence, you drift from a zone of comfort into the zone of challenge, optimizing your resources and exploiting your true potential.
13. Setting limits allows you to say no with full confidence.
14. Setting limits allows you to turn your yes into a real one.
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